sensygreen's Blog

You want me to act like we've never kissed, you want to forget; pretend we've never met , and I've tried and I've tried, but I haven't yet... You walk by, and I fall to pieces.

heto na ang pinaka hihintay ko simulat sapul..sabi na kaya..

Ang sarap palang magmasid sa mga tao.

Ang sarap din palang maiba. Dapat may gagawin ka tapos ipinagpaliban mo muna. Gumawa ka ng bagay na para sa iba ay walang saysay.

So yun, tumambay ako sa plaza. Nakatingin sa isang direksyon. Tulala. Nalulungkot ako. Nakakatuwa na sa isang oras at mahigit na pag upo ko sa isang mataong lugar ay nakakita ako ng ibat ibang tao na magpaparamdam na buhay pala ako.

Napansin ko lang ang mga libreng sakay na pauso ng gobernador ng Camarines Sur. May sumasakay ba? Pansin ko, wala. Ang mga tao ay may pinagkakaabalahan na di mo malaman kung ano.

Pag pwesto ko sa aking mahiwagang upuan, nakita kong tumingin sa akin ang isang babaeng nakatabi ko. Kasama niya ang binatang nakayakap sa kanya. Isang dalagang nasa maselang edad. Kulang na lamang ay gumawa sila ng bata. Naawa ako sa kaibigan niyang mistulang nakabantay sa kanila. Katabi siya ng lalaki. Para tuloy siyang kabit, alalay, chaperon o display lang talaga. Tumitingin lang sa akin ang batang dalaga. Iniisip nya siguro kung ano ang iniisip ko. Pakiramdam nya siguro nababaliw na ako. 

Sa wakas umalis rin ang tatlo. May nakatawag nanaman ng aking pansin. Mga batang masayang naglalaro sa aking harapan. Masaya silang naghahabulan. may isang batang nagsisimula palang maglakad ang inaalalayan ng kanyang tatay. Umikot ikot sila. Naglakad, gumapang gamit ang kanilang maliliit na kamay at hindi alintana ang duming kanilang hinahawakan. Ang sarap maging bata. Masaya.

Napansin kong nagmumukha na akong tangang naka upo..TBC

..Napagisip isip ko rin umalis sa aking kinauupuan dahil nararamdaman kong pinupuntirya na ako ng mga bihasang snatcher at holdaper. May mga lalaking naglalaro ng chess sa kabilang sulok. Tirik na tirik pa ang araw ay may mga lalaking kung makatingin ay mistulang huhubaran na ko. Akala siguro nila ay binebenta ko ang aking sarili. Kumabog ang dibdib ko. Ayoko ng skandalo kaya umalis nalang ako sa pwesto ko.

Naglakad ako at nagtakam sa avocado na binebenta sa may bangketa. Napadaan na lang ako at nakasalubong ko ang tindero sa kabilang pwesto, binasa niya ng malakas ang statement shirt ko. Hindi naman ako nagulat pero naglakad ako ng mabilis na animoy hindi ko siya nakita. Kapansin pansin rin pala ako.

Pagtawid ko sa kabilang kalye, nakita ko ang kamukhang kamukha ng aking mahal na iniirog. Inisip ko nag text palang sakin to kanikanina lang at bakit?? Para nanaman akong nagdidiliryo. Gusto ko siyang lapitan at yakapin dahil sa pagkakaalam ko ay pagod na pagod siya at wala pang pahinga dahil sa swimming na inabot ng alas otso ng umaga. Lumapit ako. Para talaga siyang eksaktong replica ng taong mahal ko. Nagkamali ako.

Lumakad nalng ako patungo sa sakayan pauwi sa amin. Wala pang pasahero. Naghintay ulit ako. Hindo katagalan may sumakay na sa loob ng tricycle na mag-ina na nagkukulitan. Na miss ko ang nanay ko. Inisip ko ang kalagayan niya sa bahay. Naaawa ako. Wala nanaman akong magawa. Gusto ko siyang ilipat ng lugar. Pero matigas ang ulo. Syempre mahal na mahal niya ang tatay ko kaya natural ganun. Lumalakas ang loob niya dahil sa amin. Kaya nilalakasan ko ang loob ko. Maya maya ay may tumabi sakin na mama. Malaki siya. Gumilid ako at pinaupo na siya. Umalis narin ang sasakyan at pansin ko na panay ang titig sa akin ng mama. Wala akong ginawa dahil iniisip ko parin ang taong napagkamalan kong aking mahal. Hanggang sa nakauwi na ako. Wow mahal na mahal ko siya.

Nakarating na ako sa bahay at iniisip ko na kinabukasan ay sasabak nanaman ako sa matao at magulong enrolment. Sistemang makaluma. Pagod ka na hindi parin tapos ang proseso. Maraming magkakainisan. Dapat mahaba ang pasensya dito. Para malibang sa mga ginagawa. Sanay na ako. Ika apat na taon ko na. Sa wakas.

Heto na. sleepy na ako. Goodnight.

Cnxa na daw..txt nya..an2k na ang mahal ko..goodnight..hehe

Oh! I love you more today more than yesterday but not as much as tomorrow. :)

I spent my day just wandering around inside SM Naga. I was feeling a little nauseous but I didn't say a single word about it. He's teasing me about my weight, and every other stuff he can tease me about. I am really not feeling well this day. When he went to a parade for his league of something that I didn't have a chance to even see for myself I felt very nervous. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I went back to the waiting shed and sit along with too much people walking around. My head is really hurting a lot. Suddenly, everything is black. I pause for a minute and closed my eyes. Stayed that way in several minutes. I texted my brother if he's out on he's work already. I was waiting for his reply but it is taking too long. I wanted to go home and be guided by my brother. My brother texted me when I was inside the tricycle. I was going to the place where he works. I saw my classmate with a new girl. I ought to ignore him but he approached me with his new girl. He asked me if I play Restaurant City in Facebook, at first, I didn't understand a single word he said and I asked him again. I said no and he told me to play. I ate goto at Biggs when I found out that my brother isn't there anymore. I felt better after I ate the goto. I finally went home and consumed a small amount of Valium.

By the way, I didn't do anything in the production room earlier this afternoon. I only watched tv. My pen is in Mia's hands! She borrowed it and she never gave it back. She wrote something on a sheet of paper that Kuya Don is editing in the video. I went out at 6pm. I arrived 1:20pm.

I'm feeling good right now. I feel very beautiful. I can't believe that I'm feeling it. I thank Karl for the great inspiration he isn't aware he has given me. I am beautiful and I will be tomorrow. :)

I'm feeling it because of the contentment that I have in this present time. I love my partner in the now and tomorrow until eternity. You gave me not just an inspiration but a total positive things in life. Sometimes we fight but it doesn't last long. Whenever I say things that I don't realize may have hurt your feelings, believe me I am not being myself. I was maybe thinking too much. I totally understand your complex mind and your attitude. Why do I love you even the negatives. I have learned to love your negative side and I am happy whenever I do. I love you so much. Even if you don't want to hear it. For you see, each day I love you more today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. :)

I was pondering last night. Why? There is so much WHY in this world that I can't take. Seriously. I was watching a video clip and it delighted me. Then I accidentaly saw a never before seen photographs of some sort. I felt sick. My stomach churns. It was the first time I experience that moment again. I was inside my room and I am staring blankly at the ceiling. Am I supposed to cry or am I supposed to be happy. I don't know. Really. There is one thing I am sure of. I am completely positive that there are more problems coming. If I would be affected by this small piece of shit how can I cope up with so much more important things in life that I should focus more. Damn.

Another thought of not so much importance to give attention to: "She" is having difficulty in dealing in their situation right now. I have nothing against her. In fact I like her for him, this is the thought that I shouldnt pay attention really. But I am afraid she is bothered by my presence. I can tell. It's so obvious. Hey girl believe me, I don't feel him. Don't you want to be happy. He's all yours. Lets all be happy with our own lives. I DO NOT think of him. Not a single thought. You are making me. I'm just concerned.

What the heck, I think that I was being "just like she". These dirty mind of mine is thinking things that are so bad and she can't handle. You were jealous of the thought that I have spend time with your boyfriend for sometime(that sometime is a year - it's two years this coming June.) I really want to tell you that nothing special happened between us. I was coerced to join the bandwagon because of another friend of mine which in fact is another pain in the ass. You need not to worry. By the way, I know how you feel. It is in fact agonizing. Boys don't recognize that. We have to suffer in this way because we don't want them to get hurt. But when they found out the real reason behind it, they beg for our forgiveness. Don't fret. He loves you so much. I know. ;)

How do you feel about obsession? Hmm. I'm having a hard time not thinking about him. He wants it that way. "Not to be obsessed."he said that in my face. Ouch. Kinda. He is always in my heart and my mind is constatly yearning for him. He wants me not to think of him. That was harsh. I am preoccupied ALWAYS by him. Sometimes I don't know where am I going to put myself. I want to show him my love for him; be affectionate. Even just the two of us. He misunderstood that by thinking that it was merely obsession. It is my pure love that Im showing him. When I'm being affectionate, you sometimes make fun of me. I felt a little bit sulking. But that doesn't last long. You are blessed that your girlfriend is way too understanding. My love dominates and the sulking fades. I love you. Just in case you don't wanna hear it (just cover your ears), I'm telling this to all the people who reads my blog. To the whole world. To the whole universe. I love you so much!!!ü

What more can I ask for..?

I'm almost done reading the book of Ms Audrey Niffenegger. I thought that the book was the novel which the movie "The curious case of benjamin button" was based upon. A friend told me about the movie, I heard it beforehand but I didn't have a chance to have a copy of it. I would ask my friends if they have a copy and just borrow it and watch it. :)

Such a lugubrious thought of my portable DVD player in my hometown. It doesn't read DVDs anymore. I tried playing it once with a VCD and it did play. I was sad because I relentlessly played my favorite movies way back with that player. Maybe it was because I played a pirated DVD before. My aunt warned me before that it might not be acceptable to play pirated Cds but I was so infuriating that I tried and it worked. Now it was wrecked.

I got a little jealous when I found out about your somewhat "SY". What was it? Maybe it's a bad thing after all. I'm thankful that I ended it soon enough. Or its the other way around. I wanted you to come along because you comfort me and keep me strong whenever I felt very bad. Whether it's a little thing about how my day was; the thing that annoyed me. Anything. You were there listening to my cheap talk. I appreciate that.

sis if your reading this, magsisimba kami ni love q..

my nlng after ha..

pktpos ng cmba treat mq..haha

somebody took my myspace url!!i hate her...grrrr

Im tired.. We arrived at Naga almost 5pm..

I read and sleep and then I wanted to go to our practice but the heck is wrong with my phone.

The manufacturer said that if I would be benefit the warrant, I might wait up until a month. I can't wait that long.. I would just bring the phone into a shop.

Yeah that's it.. I would sleep now. Im listening to Pedicab's simulan mo na.. ü

Gudnyt..

Sinerehiyon. This is a showcase of nascent cinema from the regions. From the highlands in and around Baguio to the heart of Bicolandia that is Naga City; across the thriving Visayas cities of Cebu, Bacolod and Iloilo; and through Mindanao between Cagayan de Oro and Davao, a new generation of artists is telling stories of their own cultures and people in cinematic form. This will be from February 17 to 19 at the CCP.

Why so fond of that word?

Does dealing make sanse to you?

Maybe. Maybe not.

I can't read it.

Help me out babe.,

everybody wants to deal.

You didn't even answer back.

What kind of ?*&^ are you??

excerpts from the inspiring words of mdam..:

.may rasOn na lang yan kUng tano dae masUwayan,

pwedeng hbu nyang makulugan ka,.

pwede man may kaipuhan lang,.

basta may rasOn na lang yan,

bakit ba kaylangan ko munang magtanong,
kung pwede namang sabihin nlng sakin.

bakit ba kaylangan ko munang magtanong,
kung dapat mo nang sabihin,
kung dapat mo nang ipaliwanag.

bakit ba kaylangang makagawa muna ako nang pagkakamali bago nyo sabihin ang totoo.

bakit ba dapat muna akong masaktan at magdesisyon na pwede ko lang pagsisihan sa huli,

kung pwede namang sayo na lang manggaling.

at pag tapos na ang lahat, sasabihin nyo...
- hindi ka kasi nagtanong.

hahaha. . . Ü

Why can't I sleep?

I can smell your sweet scent

Keeps me awake

Hold me tight

So tight that you won't ever let me go

I wanted to show you the "care"

but you are hesitant

Make me feel good.

I trust you.

The principle of universality

surrounds me.

Beware my honey (erase that)

Ayan nanaman.. napapaiyak nanaman ako.

lintian.

Woooohh

I love it.

I am so good at testing others.

then I became the one being tested.

My friends can testify

Oh so fond of that word

Amazing. I know how to hurt myself.

How cute is that.